Surrogacy Loss: The Unspoken Grief of Intended Parents and Carriers

Honoring the heartbreak, healing together.

Surrogacy is often portrayed as a journey of joy and hope — and it can be. When everything goes as planned, it’s a beautiful, life-giving act that forms or grows a family in extraordinary ways. But not all stories follow the plan.

What happens when the unimaginable occurs?When a pregnancy through surrogacy ends in loss — whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death — the grief can be overwhelming. And yet, too often, it’s invisible.

At London is the Reason, we are committed to breaking the silence around this kind of grief. We create space, offer support, and provide resources for both gestational carriers and intended parents navigating the unique heartbreak of surrogacy loss.

London's Mother & Father lighting a candle in remembrance of her light.

A Grief That Doesn't Fit the Narrative

The pain of infant and pregnancy loss is devastating in any context. But in surrogacy, it brings a complex web of emotions for everyone involved:

💔 For intended parents, it may feel like their long-awaited dream has been shattered yet again — compounded by a sense of helplessness, guilt, or distance.

💔 For gestational carriers, it can bring profound sorrow, feelings of failure, and a deep sense of responsibility for a child who was never biologically theirs — but was carried with love and care.

And for both parties, the loss is often met with silence. The world doesn’t always know how to respond to this kind of grief, and too often, they don’t respond at all.

What Support is Needed After Surrogacy Loss?

We believe all loss deserves recognition. Whether you’re a carrier, an intended parent, or part of a team who supported the journey — your grief is real. Your love was real. And your healing matters.

Support after surrogacy loss must be intentional, inclusive, and trauma-informed. It should include:

• Space to grieve without judgment

• Community with others who understand this specific type of loss

• Access to therapists, doulas, and care teams who recognize surrogacy dynamics

• Rituals of remembrance — tangible or symbolic — to honor the child lost

• Educational resources to help loved ones support the grieving process

  
  

That’s what we strive to provide.

What We Offer at London is the Reason

At londonisthereason.org, we exist because of this kind of loss. Our founder experienced the devastating pain of surrogacy loss — and built a foundation rooted in grief, love, and action.

We now support others through:

🌿 Healing Boxes – Thoughtfully curated care packages for carriers and intended parents grieving a loss, filled with items that comfort, soothe, and honor.

🌿 Support Resources – A growing library of trauma-informed guides, articles, and referrals designed to meet the needs of grieving families and surrogacy professionals.

🌿 Stories of Healing – Real voices from those who have walked this road. Because storytelling helps us feel less alone.

🌿 Collaborative Partnerships – We work with clinics, agencies, doulas, and hospitals to build better bereavement care after loss.

Whether you’re grieving, supporting someone who is, or looking to deepen your understanding — there’s space for you here.

Giving Grief a Voice

As Winston Churchill said, “We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”None of us asked to carry this kind of loss. But what we do with it — how we speak it, share it, and build from it — that’s how we make meaning.

If you’ve experienced surrogacy loss, you are not alone. Your grief matters here.And if you want to give back — whether through sharing your story, becoming a care partner, or supporting our mission — we welcome you.

💜 Let’s give grief a voice, and healing a path forward.

Explore resources or request a Healing Box: https://www.londonisthereason.org Follow us on Instagram for more stories, support, and solidarity. #SurrogacyLoss #InfantLossSupport #IntendedParents #GriefHealing #LondonIsTheReason