ABOUT US

Supporting Surrogate Mothers and their Intended Parents through Infant Loss Is a non-profit organization that brings support to Surrogates and Gestational Carriers along with their Intended Parents who have experienced infant loss during their journey. Surrogates and Gestational Carriers grieve just as much as the Intended Parents with the added guilt and blame on themselves. We offer free resources and support groups to help both sides through the grieving process and allow each side to share their feelings and emotions. Truly understanding that Surrogates and Gestational Carriers are the reason to shed light and hope to those families who might not otherwise be able to have children on their own.

"WE BOTH LOST A CHILD BUT IN THE GRIEVING PROCESS THIS FOUNDATION WAS BORN IN LONDON'S HONOR"
-Intended parent Kristin McQuaid and surrogate Camila Vintimilla-Caster

OUR MISSION OBJECTIVES 

Awareness

To enhance awareness that pregnancy in surrogacy loss is just as significant to natural pregnancy loss. Bringing surrogacy to a more socialized standard, where support groups, research, and resources aren’t forgetting those families that can’t carry themselves but still heavily grieve. Also bringing awareness to the surrogate mother who feels guilt and extreme burden that will she will hold onto for the rest of her life.

Connection

To connect surrogate moms to other surrogate moms that have experienced similar experiences with pregnancy loss. Extending the support to their families and provide resources and groups for those family members supporting the surrogate mother and still be strong themselves as well as any children of their own at home. 

To connect Intended Parents to other Intended Parents that have experienced similar encounters with pregnancy loss. Finding resources for those parents that never had any physical or hormonal connection to the baby. With the added longing for that baby being so strong the feeling of starting over becomes overwhelming. 

Education

To properly educate both surrogate families, intended parents, and healthcare providers about the difference between facing anxiety in two separate columns. Both are facing extreme anxiety disorders so knowing where to seek additional support for both sides is important. Acknowledging that both parties will be grieving but in specialized ways. 

Resources

To provide information, resources and support on the needs of extended family, parents, and siblings. Our mission is to help others in the community, employers, caregivers and others in a supportive role. Where confronting someone that has just experienced loss is a challenge in itself, helping others to know what is right and wrong to say and how they can help in a time of grieving. 

OUR STORY

Surrogate Mother

Intended parents

My surrogacy story began almost by accident, like it was just meant to be. It wasn't something I had planned to do, or ever envisioned myself doing at all. It all started because I began noticing all the women around me who were having infertility issues and it was so saddening. One day, one of my best friends confessed to me in tears how she had been trying for 5 years to get pregnant and it wasn't happening and she was so upset. I was trying to think of anything I could do to help or steer her in a right direction. I Googled “can't get pregnant” one day and a surrogacy agency popped up. I began calling them just to ask how it would work or what were the first steps for my friend. I made a profile through them but never with the intention of proceeding with anything as I was only calling to give my friend pointers. My friend was going to start the process and by a miracle got pregnant! A few weeks passed and the Covid Pandemic had hit in March 2020. One day while I was sitting at home bored since everything was shut down, the agency called me and said that they had a couple, who had been through so much and they think it would be a perfect match for me. I was so confused, I wasn't sure about it at all. They asked me if I wanted to do a phone call with them, and reassured me I could back out at anytime if I didn't feel comfortable. My husband and I thought there was nothing wrong with having a phone call. ok. When we did our phone call we heard the couples story. We instantly clicked with them! We decided to invite them for dinner and let that make our decision if we clicked with them or not. They lived 5 hours away and drove to our house for dinner. Long story short, we loved them!! We decided to begin the process to give them a family right away. The medical testing and first couple steps of the process were perfect. The transfer went great I was pregnant in 4 days!! Even though taking hormones was a lot, it all was as perfect as it could be. Everything went smoothly the first trimester with not even a day of morning sickness! I got released to OB at 12 weeks, everything checked out great. The rest of the pregnancy went as expected with few symptoms. We scheduled a c-section for July 14th at 39 weeks. We were all so excited!! That Wednesday morning I went in at 4 am. C-section was at 7 am. When they went to put the heart monitor on the baby, all of a sudden they couldn't find a heartbeat. I could tell something was off. Everyone and everything at that moment became silent. 5 days prior I had an OB visit and everything was great. On my home doppler I had a heartbeat the morning before. We were all devasted. London was stillborn. We proceeded with the c-section with broken hearts and left the hospital the next day with zero answers. Zero explanations to anything. It was at that moment that I realized something has to change. 

My name is Kristin McQuaid and I am originally from Los Angeles, CA. I now reside in Tulsa, Oklahoma with my amazing husband, Steve. Our fertility journey is one I like to call “unbelievable” but in the opposite way you would normally think of the word. To date, my husband and I have been trying to conceive for over 13 years now. After 3 miscarriages, I was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis. That led to 3 surgeries to help control the disease in hopes that would help my body to allow me to carry child. The endometriosis got worse and forced me to have a hysterectomy. After such a let down that I would never be able to carry a child of my own, we were blessed to learn about the world of surrogacy. Amazing woman-warriors-and selfless angels willing to risk their health and carry a child for someone else. After our first surrogate backed out half way through the process due to fear of Covid, we were introduced to a new surrogate via a surrogacy agency. I firmly believe everything happens to a reason. This statement became very apparent once we began the process with our new surrogate family. Our pregnancy journey was text book, the first transfer took, no complications, my surrogate treated this baby as if it were her own. Since my surrogate had 2 c-sections with her biological children, we planned to do the same with our baby. Week 39, July 14th 2021 was our due date. We walked into the hospital to meet our surrogate before the c-section began at 5:30am. Instead of hearing "Are you ready?" we were brought into a room by the doctor and her team to be told "She doesn't have a heart beat any longer". There was a heartbeat less than 12 hours before and no reason to think anything could have been wrong. Her cause of death...unknown. All tests came back normal, no cord strangulation, nothing. The doctors and hospital staff were in disbelief and crying for days as we all suffered a huge loss. I knew I couldn’t push my sadness and anger of losing my beautiful baby girl aside. I needed to take action. London Quinn is her name and she was put on this earth for a reason. Her time may have been short, but her presence and story will live on forever. This little girl had more to offer and it is my duty as her mommy to take her life story and use it to make this world a better place. 

As Kristin and Camila along with her husbands and families were in tremendous pain and sorrow they began to look for resources and support groups for infant loss at any stage in pregnancy within the Surrogacy/Gestational Carries and their Intended Parents to turn to for help. When you go though this process, whether it be for medical reason's like Kristin's or if you are apart of the amazing LGBTQ community and want a child, no matter what the circumstances its UNIQUE. It's unlike a loss from a biological mother. Kristin and her family grieve for the long wait and excitement to finally hold this child and give them the best life possible. Where Camila and her family feel guilt and blame along with the grieving sadness of a loss. There is NO other support group out there in this world right now and Kristin and Camila wanted to use the strength from London to spread awareness and bring support and resources to these unique and amazing situations to bring a child into this world. It's tough, both sides have so much stress and worry the whole 9 months, so when you finally reach that point and it ends in such a tragedy like ours did we didn't want to let our story die. We wanted to share it with the world and give hope and life to those that need it. You are not alone (how many times can we hear that when we are going through a loss) but it is true! We are here for you and want to help in anyway we can. Life is tough but together we can all make this world a better place.

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